WSPN Beijing 2008: Soccer - United States vs. Japan (Preliminaries)

1:56 AM - What a fitting welcome to me, MSNBC! The Olympic music is awesome.
1:57 AM - Yao is like a foot taller than all the other Chinese people. Yao doesn't play soccer? I know, I know, they were talking about the torch.
1:58 AM - They show the United States vs. Norway women's soccer prelim match. Ouch U.S. Our team gave up 2 goals in the first 5 minutes.
1:59 AM - LIMITED commercial interruption!! I hate you McDonalds...soccer matches do not have commercial breaks...ignorant American-based companies.
2:00 AM - I love U.S. soccer! I can't wait for the start! KICK OFF!!! Alright, my Beijing 2008 viewing has officially begun!
2:01 AM - Brad Guzan's GK jersey is really ugly. And it's like grayish green...why not red? Where's the patriotism?
2:02 AM - The Netherlands are in our pool??? Uh oh, attack of the relentless Vans...seriously like 7 out of their starting 11 have last names starting with Van. And they're all good.
2:03 AM - First official save for Guzan! Looked like a adult league slow pitch softball toss. Wow, that was tough...at least Japan put it on frame.
2:05 AM - Okay Nishikawa's GK jersey is even worse. He looks like a neon banana. Eh I guess he's from the land of the rising sun. Sun should be rising here in like 4 hours...in China it's probably the middle of the day.
2:06 AM - Close-up of the ball on the sideline. Sweet! What I would do to get one of those. Too bad I don't have one million yen. Or maybe I do?? That's only what? $1,000?
2:07 AM - United States sporting nice white pinstriped jerseys...very sharp. Play for the name on the front, not the name on the back! There is no name on the front, you say? Well, play for the flag. There isn't a flag? I give up. Just play.
2:09 AM - Guzan catches another bouncy ball. Close-up of him...ugh, his uniform is like a gray green shirt and dark gray shorts. I don't think any country would choose those colors for their flag.
2:11 AM - The neon yellow flying rising sun banana makes a punch!
2:12 AM - Fear the U.S. Edu-Adu domination! They could pull a move out of D2: The Mighty Ducks and switch jerseys. They'd never know, there's hardly a difference. "The goalie!"
2:14 AM - Bradley drills it and bruises the neon yellow banana.
2:15 AM - Marvel Wynne has the sweetest name on the field. I guess you could say it's made of win. And that includes all the Japanese guys, yes Mizumoto, including you. (A/E)du too.
2:17 AM - Okay Japan has a flag on their jersey. What does that say about us? I guess we are not Team U.S.A., but instead the Swooshes.
2:19 AM - Marvel Wynne's long throws are ridiculous. He should have tried out for shotput. Bad idea? How about Discus? Javelin, perhaps? Yes, I'm drifting...not much action in the game yet.
2:21 AM - Just as I say that a cross off of a Japanese corner almost finds Morishige's foot across the 6 meter and deflects into the net. Yikes U.S., or should I say Team Nike. Let's go!
2;22 AM - Quick throw-ins suck. We almost gave up a counter. Leave the throw-ins to Marvel Wynne, period.
2:24 AM - Well said, indeed, Marcelo Balboa. Shame on FIFA for not recognizing the Olympic competition in their calendar. Lots of international friendlies are happening right now. Those players should be freed from their clubs to fulfill national duty.
2:25 AM - Sasha Kljestan's hair owns. It's even better than all the Japanese players. And some of them have some wild hair. Either that or the buzzcut. No happy mediums with the Japanese.
2:28 AM - "Cunning ball" by the Japanese builds up excitement but culminates in a harmless cross to nobody. Guzan almost coughs it up, though.
2:30 AM - Uchida's cross yields a deflection and a Japanese corner. They're dominating the scoring chances column so far. Morishige's header goes way high over the crossbar.
2:32 AM - Freddy Adu gives it an acrobatic side volley from about 30 meters...a few feet over the bar. Finally the U.S. seem a little energized. Adu is getting more involved.
2:34 AM - The camera shows Parkhurst. Who is this guy? I haven't heard his name once in 34 minutes. Can't say if that's a good or bad thing.
2:35 AM - Wynne gets beat again, yet he makes it up with his recovery speed. Okay, he definitely should have tried out for track and field.
2:36 AM - Honda executes a nice header on frame followed by a wonderfully-executed somesault. The German judge gives it a 5.3. And yes, you better believe the gymnastics judges are in attendance. What else are they going to be doing at this time? Green tea? You might have a point there.
2:39 AM - The Japanese cycle it around their back line, giving the announcer the moment he has been waiting for. "Morashige. Mizumoto. Morashige. Mizumoto." Hello moto.
2:41 AM - Diving header wide! Never mind, two Japanese players were a few meters offside. They had a corner, and didn't get back. Matter of fact, Japan has had a lot of corners.
2:42 AM - Taniguchi launches a strike from about 40 meters. Not too close.
2:43 AM - Morishige apparently is over this. He's going to tan instead. Pulling up the sleeves.
2:44 AM - Adu rolls one wide with the left. 35 meters or so. True Mr. Balboa, you have to be more offensive-minded. If not for the team, for the poor Chinese fans who are bored out of their minds.
2:45 AM - Rogers earns a corner. Come on U.S.! Okay we get a header. Not on frame but it's good. This reminds me, the ref had done like nothing so far in this match so far. Like seriously nothing. Maybe one offside, a few fouls.
2:46 AM - Japan earns their 82nd corner on the right side of the field in the last 20 minutes. The ref blows the first half dead. Hardly any stoppage.
2;47 AM - Back to the Olympic studios. Bill Patrick?! Are you serious? Where's Bob Costas? You mean, he doesn't stay up 24/7 during the Olympics? I don't believe you. It must be because the Olympics haven't officially started yet. Once the Opening Ceremonies start, Costas has a few weeks of no shuteye.
2:48 AM - First commercial break. An American flag! What a novelty! The first American flag I see comes at a halftime commercial break. I'm seriously complaining to Nike.
2:50 AM - Okay, Bill Patrick. If this is the U.S.'s best chance at a win in the pool play, we're in trouble. Remember the Vans.
2:52 AM - A Subaru ad? Isn't Subaru Japanese? Come on NBC...who are you rooting for?
2:54 AM - Marcelo Balboa gives a report. He seems to know what's up. I say Balboa comes out of retirement. We could use him. Australia and Serbia are both at a tie at halftime as well.
2:55 AM - Even Brazil is tied to Belgium 0-0 at half. A goal! The Italians are taking it to Honduras, 2-0 at half. Well they did win the World Cup in 2006 and Honduras won...well, the Honduras National Tournament.
2:56 AM - GNC is trying to sell me Fish Oil pills. From what I see, fish=sushi, sushi=Japanese, Japanese=GMC. Man, I'm serious. NBC and its supporters are for Japan. Conspiracy theory!
2:58 AM - MSNBC News Break. President Bush! I say we put him out there at center forward. And Brett Favre, no one cares about you. Just because it isn't National F.A.V.R.E. Day anymore doesn't mean we all can't choose to Forget A Veteran Reinstated Egotist for a while longer.
3:02 AM - Second half kicks off back at Tianjin Olympic Center Stadium. No visible halftime changes were made by either manager.
3:03 AM - GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL U.S.A.! Marvel Wynne speeds up the sideline, lines a cross that deflects. Right to Holden who drills it off the banana, who couldn't see, and into the net! Apparently a good halftime team talk by Coach Peter Novak. Didn't take long for the Americans to find the net. One minute in.
3:05 AM - The Chinese crowd is rather indifferent apparently. Not many people seem to be in the stands. Except that German gymnastics judge. He's there.
3:06 AM - This game should get more exciting now. The Japanese actually have to make their corner kicks into shots on frame now.
3:07 AM - Guzan gets the customary keeper first touch of the second half.
3:08 AM - First booking. Freddy Adu gets a yellow. Good call by the ref. He took him down from the ground, apparently practicing his breakdancing backspinning ability.
3:09 AM - Freddy Adu goes on a crazy voyage battle around the side into the box and fights off like 6 Japanese players. Gets called ultimately for his persistance.
3:10 AM - Japan had a chance there. They were a little too fast and reckless though. U.S. bombs it deep off the free kick.
3:12 AM - Bradley lets one rip, deflects off a Japanese defender and out of bounds. Marvel Wynne on the throw.
3:14 AM- Marvel Wynne gets another couple attempts at the long throw. Nothing doing. Subs should be coming in soon, as it's the 57th minute.
3:15 AM - The Japanese head coach looks like a cyber spy. No, seriously. Look him up.
3:16 AM - Something loud blares on the loudspeakers. It's apparently the attendance. I guess the play-by-play guy knows Chinese. It's something around 36,000 people. Okay, so a little more than I thought.
3:17 AM - Japanese have a threatening corner kick cross. They are throwing 10 into the 18. Don't worry, it's soccer language. "10 into the 18", makes perfect sense.
3:19 AM - Japan is ready to make a sub. The banana gets another punch on the ball off of a U.S. direct free kick.
3:20 AM - Booking? On Bradley. Wow, replay...not even a foul. The Japanese have been taught the art of drama from the cyber spy.
3:21 AM - Japan gets another dangerous cross. Man, they have had a million crosses/ corner kicks so far. Lee comes on for Japan.
3:22 AM - Freddy's bumped from behind in the upper corner of the box. But, I don't think it's a penalty. And I'm right, because Balboa said so.
3:23 AM - Lee's fresh legs earn Japan a corner.
3:25 AM - Guzan jumps and dives on a ball amidst modest traffic. Yes, Balboa, the U.S. does breed keepers. Notably, bald ones.
3:27 AM - The Netherlands are taking this one in! Be afraid, Dutch. We are most surely intimidating them with our dominating performance.
3:28 AM - Honda gets tricky and gets in behind, but is too fancy and loses the ball coming in sideways towards the 6 meter box.
3:29 AM - Japan introduces its second sub, Morimoto out for Toyoda. Rogers uses the time to try to shake off an injury.
3:30 AM - The ref finally cards the guy that slide-tackled Rogers. After the substitution. He must have seen it on the Jumbotron.
3:31 AM - Altidore comes on for McBride. McBride put in 73 good, physical minutes up front as the team captain.
3:33 AM - Massive tangle-up between Honda and Altidore along the sideline. Honda gets a yellow. Bookings are abound, the intensity is obviously picking up. Japan needs a goal. The cyber spy and the neon banana need to make something happen.
3:34 AM - Okay, the announcer just relayed that it's a 12 hour time difference between Eastern U.S. and China. So, for the record, that's 9 hours (I think, if I'm going the right way around the globe) from here.
3:36 AM - Chaos in the box! Japan almost pokes it home. And Marcelo Balboa's best quote of the match, said excitedly, "Honda to Toyoda!"
3:37 AM - Altidore almost rounds the keeper but the banana stays true and gets a piece. U.S. corner. 80th minute.
3:38 AM - Japan gets down the field quick off the U.S. corner and gets a corner of their own.
3:39 AM - Feilhaber comes on for goal-scorer Holden.
3:40 AM - Honda gets a point blank header from the 6. Honda narrowly misses it off the top left corner. Offsides traps are bad ideas, U.S. Bad ideas, I tell you. Japan uses its last substitution.
3:41 AM - Guzan and Toyoda are tangled in the box after the goal kick is awarded. The Chinese crowd gets excited.
3:43 AM - Rogers comes off for Danny Szetela. The U.S. have used all three subs, and Japan has as well. 86th minute. Guzan dives on an open ball in the box before a Japanese player can get to it and have a go at net.
3:44 AM - Edu loses a battle in the U.S. box, and takes down the Japanese player. The announcers think it warranted a penalty. However, the ref didn't award the penalty to the U.S. earlier. It's even.
3:45 AM - Tensions flaring. Guzan's wasting time before the goal kick, grabbing a drink. The ref awards a yellow, not impressed. Guzan offers a toast to him in response.
3:46 AM - 90th minute. The banana bombs it down the field. The Japanese are throwing everyone into the box now. 4 minutes of stoppage for the U.S. to endure.
3:48 AM- 3 minutes left. If U.S. can hold on, they have a crucial 3 points in a tough pool.
3:49 AM - The neon banana has a boot. The Japanese are trying everything over the top. 2 minutes now.
3:50 AM - Guzan is eating up more time. Only one minute remaining.
3:51 AM - Dangerous ball contested by Guzan in the air is headed up and over the bar by Lee. TWEET. TWEET. TWEEEEEEEET! Final! United States 1, Japan 0.
3:52 AM - A great opening for the U.S. team. This puts them in great position to qualify for the knockout stage. Commercial break. I'll hang around for the highlights of the other games to get a concept of where the U.S. is at.
3:54 AM - Back to the NBC studio in New York for a recap and highlights. Holden's goal at the 47th minute was the decider.
3:55 AM - Next up, Netherlands. Revel in the victory, U.S.! But only for a minute. You've got one of the top teams in the world up next.
3:57 AM - Honduras and Italy highlights now. Italy scores on two penalty kicks. They win 3-0.
3:58 AM - Brazil and Belguim now. Brazil puts in home in the 79th to take a 1-0 victory. So, in goal differential, the U.S. is in company with Brazil. Well done, United States soccer, well done.
4:00 AM - That was a satisfying match and a great way to open up my Beijing 2008 Summer Olympic viewing. It couldn't have been any better for the U.S.! Weird hours, maybe, but it was totally worth it. This is what the Olympics are all about!